I experience decision fatigue on a now daily basis. And I have so much of it, that I didn’t even know how to say no to talking about it, and so now here I am sharing this with all of you out there on the internet. This is outside the normal bounds of photo organizing, but I think we all feel overwhelmed at certain times in lots of different areas of our lives.
I know I don’t have life changing hacks for how to make it all better. But since feeling alone in our journeys of life is unproductive, here I am. Here is my story.
I’m the one who shops at Aldi for groceries because it’s easier to choose salad dressing from eight choices instead of 60.
I know that on Mondays, I’m always going to cook a dinner that includes cooking a lot of extra protein so we can throw it in salads or quick meals for the rest of the week.
On Sundays, I’m always going to choose yogurt parfaits and popcorn for dinner 9 times out of 10 because it’s quick and easy and the kitchen stays clean before the week starts.
The decisions that are hardest for me to figure out are ones that involve all the humans and all the relationships and all the emotions.
I have a husband and five kids in rapid succession – ages 7-14. No, no multiples. Yes, we are crazy. And when we were having all those sweet little babies, we were tired, but life was simple. I didn’t know how simple it was.
We now have all these humans in our house with their own wishes, opinions, desires, and needs… and so many more decision points –
What is the right age to allow hair to be dyed pink? 5? 6?
Should she play house soccer or travel soccer?
When do allow cell phones/kindles/apps? What parental controls, how many? Geez. All the screens to manage.
And then we, like the rest of the world, found ourselves in the middle of a global pandemic – on top of an already maxed out life – which changed everything – forever, at least the forever that Its still laid out before me.
We have always been an everybody’s welcome here sort of family. That means, historically our freezer is always full of popsicles, and our trampoline is always full of children.
If you want to have a friend over, the answer is nearly always yes. If you want to have ten friends over, still yes. If you and your siblings each want to have ten friends over, which means 50 friends in my small backyard… yes.
It was February 28, 2020. I was blissfully unaware that a countdown to world change had begun. “Covid tag” had become a game my kids were playing at recess. Naturally you crossed your fingers to not catch it. And so on this day, my elementary age kids – without my knowledge – made flyers, copied them on my printer, distributed them at school, and invited roughly 30 kids over for a backyard birthday party – for our cat…
They were sure I wouldn’t mind, so they just forgot to ask. I embraced the warm February evening and it turned out to be the last time we had a simple last minute large gathering. I’m so glad I was on board.
Two weeks later, we were in “lock down” and people began to “bubble up” with their neighbors or maybe with their favorite people? Or likeminded people? I spent hours agonizing over how many families we could bubble up with and still be considered “safe” by each of those families we were bubbled with.
I wondered, mostly while perusing the daily data on the Health Department website late into the night, should I limit our contact to once a week with anyone outside our bubble? Does it count as breaking the bubble if see someone but we all stay outside except if we need to use the bathroom? What about if its 110° in July and you have a cool new lego set, then maybe is it ok to go inside as long as you keep your mask on?
We should be ok. But should I report these occurrences of non optimal mask wearing or socializing and to who? Who is that person who keeps track? Do we have a security officer in place? Should we?
And if I did break the bubble rules, should I stay off the grid and out of the bubble and for how long? Do I need to tell someone, everyone? Maybe its better if I tell no one.
I haven’t recovered from this dread and foreboding about pandemic socializing.
Honestly, for me, as time goes on, it has only gotten more complicated. At least when I knew we would only see “these people” I knew the rules.
On the back end of this “return to normal,” there actually is no sense of normal. There are no collective rules anymore. Everyone’s rules are different and change – a lot – especially when it comes to what kids can and can not do, and where. This is where I live my life – in the world of kids and parents.
I think we are all still trying to do our best.
My past self who thought it was no big deal to entertain 30 kids after school on remnants of four different chips bags, now worries about how many kids from how many different families mix in my backyard, and if I should really be serving prepackaged snacks. And if it needs to be prepackaged, then I probably need notice to go get them, and if I need notice to get snacks, then no, no one can come play. A is indoor play allowed or not allowed – because it’s different for each family and I can’t keep track.
This is the weight of my decision making. I no longer know how to make good or the best decisions because every single decision feels like it is embedded in a web of others and involves so many more people and their opinions and deeply held values.
Oddly, amidst all this, I have built a small business as a photo organizer that is designed around helping others overcome their decision fatigue when it comes to memory management… and yet… in terms of deciding the million things in the present every day in each relationship, well, I seem to be on an ever present struggle bus.
I feel like I’m back in middle school – my most awkward self, uncomfortable in my own skin. Unsure how to move forward with all the usual road markers taken away.
And you know what? The only thought that brings me comfort is, so is everyone else. I am not alone in this weird return to something like normal.
Being awkward having the hard conversations with others figuring out how to move forward in relationships together, has to be done, right? For our sake, for our kids. We were meant to live and grow in community. This return to community needs grace and understanding. While I don’t have all the answers, or any answers, I know this, I’m committed to finding my way back into relationships with a thousand bumps along the way, with some unavoidable missteps and a few more rewriting of the rules and hopefully not too much collateral damage.
And one day, I’ll see you in my backyard for another impromptu cat birthday party – with plenty of shareable snacks.
